TCC Weekend, Backing Out, Backing Back In...

So last minute I decided to go to the TCC winter conference, granted I had only heard of it last minute but I am not one to run towards mass groups of new people. At least not anymore. This annual event is basically held for all of us new people. A way to make sure we get good knowledge, and also some kick ass caving in. At first it was just going to be me, but then I found myself making excuses on why not to go. So I asked if Leia wanted to come, I know she was curious to try it and well if I felt out of place I always had her to hang out with and the teenage angst being absent for a few days I figured what the hell. So we head out and get her a helmet and some elbow and knee pads and head on over to Cedar Park. Arriving there I instantly felt comfortable, introduced myself to Mike, Linda and Jim and head over to check out the camping area.

While setting up camp Barbara and Jeff arrive. Later at the headquarters while eating pizza and drinking beer I got to know a bit more about them. Barbara is a newer caver as well, very warm vibe and sweet by nature. We also got to meet Mike Warton,(the man partially responsible for finding approx 500 caves in Williamson County) he described a few caves we could go to while waiting for others to start showing up and we all decide on Avery, which is literally a show cave that the TCC takes the public to once a year. I figure a show cave is a good "first" cave for this weekend and for Leia. Shes been in Mammoth on the tour but that was long ago. She has become a little daredevil the past few years but since I myself suffer from claustrophobia I wanted her to experience something without me getting freaked out in the background. We get to the location, smack dab in the middle of a neighborhood and wait forever for them to get the lock open. The gate over the entrance is easy to access but the lock is more a feel and hope type thing, feel for the opening and hope you get it in (That's what she said). Once inside we are star struck, literally one of the most beautiful sights you can see (well besides the sun setting while under canopy)the cave, although small, is rather decorated with a variety of beautiful formations. I did go off the platforms to the left and down a little passage, at the end I felt air coming out but they are not going to try to break through. I guess since this is one of the caves the public sees, they are not trying to open it up more, but I swear this one could be dug a bit, maybe its wishful thinking. Leia loved it and was excited for more.

Once we got back to base Christopher and Leslie had arrived and were talking of Merigold and invited us. They mentioned pits and I had already decided I wanted to wait until a rope night before I decided to go vertical again so we almost didnt go. However I had already sorta met Leslie, Terry had facebook'd us as they go caving every week and well that is what I have been wanting to do. So we decided to go so we could get to know them better. Barbara and Jeff decided not to go so it was me, Leia and Jim as the newbs and then Christopher , Leslie and Chad as the more experienced cavers. This is a rather small cave compared to Reed but still plenty of room to move around and rather decorated. The pancake room is not very much a pancake so I had no freak out sessions. Leia was eating it up and it was the highlight of this cave. Watching her not only thrive in the cave but make good choices in where she was willing to go. Soon after entering Christopher would just send her in these small passages to show her things, and she just went right up or down and at first it seemed like she may be a digger. However later we learned she was more of a explorer, how far she could go and how small of a space she can get into was more enjoyable for her then uncovering new passages. I was proud and excited for her. While waiting at one point we found a bunch of bones, I wanted to know what it was and so we started putting it back together, yea now thats family bonding time (Leia laughed but I have a feeling she was a bit embarrassed that I was doing this) We did the left side first which was good because on the right side is where my nerves got tested. On the left Chad was going to go into the pit, really we just watched although I did help with tying the rope off (yay to Rock Climbing and its training).

Once we headed over to the right side, it became apparent that I am not brave still, so it was good that I was now comfortable and had a level of trust for my fellow cavers due to the birth canal I was about to venture through. I went second to last, and Christopher played a vital part to "talking me through". This sport makes me feel like a bitch, I am so wimpy, thank goodness I wasnt in tears because that would have made me feel even more stupid. I got past it though and we were at another pit area. The diggers couldn't resist digging and so us newbs decided to go back to base. By the time we got back , ate and warmed up we were all exhausted and attempted to sleep.

Day 2, we woke up about 9 am, which was not good since everything kicked off at 9. Got some coffee in me and realized that other cavers run on "Marie Time"...that means late. We start with a group lecture, and a rundown on the different cave trips we could join up with that day. I had to encourage Leia to separate from me, I wanted her in the beginning class. The only thing she had "learned" safety wise from me thus far was ...

1. Don't die or we split your gear
2. Don't hurt the creatures
3. Three points of contact

Much thanks to Barbara and Jeff, they were going the beginning route as well and therefore she was able to have them around to feel more comfortable. I decided to go with R.D's group, which consisted of R.D., Leslie, Christopher, Chad, and some girl I do not recall her name (shes not a digger though). The plan was to go on both sides of Becks. I rode with Leslie and Christopher and got some local cave knowledge on the trip but I was feeling rather anxious, I was informed that the right side is a tight squeeze and it goes on for awhile. I was not confident in my ability to actually get through what they were describing. The cave is located in a park right behind a fire station and while I was being introduced to my new cave gear BFF (Duct Tape) they came and got info on when we would be out by and such. It felt good knowing rescue was close by.

The walk to the entrance was nice, we saw about 10 deer grazing and sadly they had no fear and did not care that we were so close. I hate that we encroach on the wild life. Leslie got some great pictures of us all going in and once inside a few of us start collecting trash, stupid people sneak into this cave and just leave their trash all around. It pissed me off, this is a beautiful cave, rather large and its a shame that some people not only risk their lives breaking into a cave they have no idea how to navigate but they are assholes and leave it the way they do. R.D. takes some pictures and we wait for Christopher and Chad (which if you do not dig, you will do alot if you go with them, best thing is to have a large enough group to separate, or become a digger ....guess what I decided to become?). I was following R.D. when we came upon a large slab that was on top of a bottle, the bottle was new, and there was no way it could have been placed there, the rock had to have slipped out and landed there...yea I feel great ...NOT. I am already wishing I was in the beginning caves. We push on though and get to the area that became my nemesis. This cave is crawling with life though, so at least I had that to keep my mind busy, avoid killing the millipedes and crickets! However, while waiting for others to catch up R.D wants to take more pictures for his article. Thats good, I model, Im a attention whore, I can do this. However to get to where he was to pose for the pictures got me in the place I was not looking forward to in this sport, I was not just scared , I was petrified. Had Leslie not crawled to the side of me and started talking I would have backed out right then and there. However once she talked to me (general chit chat) and went first I gained more confidence and followed her to where R.D. wanted us. I was right next to a mound of bugs, hundreds, pretty cool. We posed , posed some more, and then Leslie moved into the squeeze entrance to get some pictures as well and everything went down hill from there for me. I realized I was so compacted that I could not even turn my head straight, I sat there and kept asking how I could even get in there, and then I had the thought that I needed to get out and needed that right now. I held on for a minute or two and then the tears came. I could not stop them, I was to petrified to go on, I told Leslie I had to go and I made my way back to the pancake area, crying the whole way like the little bitch I am. Chad and Christopher were in a small pit checking things out and I asked Chad to bring me out. Christopher encouraged me to stay in that area until I was calm and then decide if I want to leave or try again. I honestly thought I would after calming down want to try again. I sat for a good ten minutes watching one pass break away to the other and tried to talk myself into going back towards R.D. and Leslie but then when I went to tell them I was gonna go back and try again instead the words "Im gonna go to the surface came out of my mouth".

Talk about a low. There has never been a sport, or a facet of it that I let control my emotions to the point of letting the fear win. I can not even describe my disappointment in myself. I went to the car, got undressed and just wallowed in self pity. When Leslie came back to see if I wanted to go on the left side with them I refused, I let the cave win. I found several excuses, I was hungry, I already changed, but in the end I admitted that I was to scared to go back in. While she was talking to Bill , about 10 minutes in, Christopher started walking up and then when I realized that I have to go in. Ive already heard his stories of fighting through his fear of the small spaces, how could I not respect his ability to fight through his fears that he shares with me in hopes it will encourage me to do the same and go forward, so I said "Im coming...let me gear up".

Once we got back in (I love this entrance, its fun to get in there) I told Chad that I was gonna hang back with them if they find a spot they want to work on. This was the single best decision I made this weekend. They put me to work, granted it was just taking breakaway and relocating it out of the way. However I found it, that reason I cave. Sitting there I found myself seeing things , an old headlamp, knee pads, bones, bottles, way old rusty pans...I felt a breeze through breakaway and felt this desire to pull the rocks away with visions of finding this huge undiscovered room filled to the rim with beautiful untouched formations and I realized "Im a digger" , which to some may translate to "Im part of the problem" but whatever, Im a digger so neener neener...

Me and Chad were starving and Christopher wanted to meet up with the group so we split up and we headed to subway and then back to base. Wow what a weekend...I thought I was done for a few days but after everyone went home on Sunday, I decided I wanted to go caving after the Oscar party and made plans...stay tuned to me learning the Mitchel System of vertical and venturing into a cave with the name "Dies".